"I was addicted to saying things and having them matter to someone."

I still can't find my copy of Waitress. It breaks my heart a little.



I spent yesterday evening with my fellow Narrator, Karen, and it was one of the best things I have done in a while. We had one of those girly nights where all we did was talk-- for about 5 hours.

Prior to meeting up with Karen, I had 3 fairly lengthy conversations with colleagues/friends/mentors/employers about the Presbyterian job. I have not called back yet to let them know what my decision is, so I am not going to go into a whole lot of detail on here (yet), but they were all incredibly beneficial for me not only in this particular instance, but for me in general.

Once I got to Karen's temporary place of residence, she had a plate ready for me to fill with the amazing chicken-broccoli-cheese-pasta-bake deliciousness she'd made and a yellow, plastic goblet awaiting me to pour juice into it.

It was manna from heaven. Ü

After watching another one of our friends eating ice cream straight from the freezer, we decided to go get some of our own, and since I was driving, I took us to Cold Stone.

Guys, they brought back the peanut butter ice cream.

If you don't understand anything about me, understand this: I love peanut butter.
I also love ice cream. Putting the two together is pretty genius.
And Cold Stone's peanut butter ice cream is sheer genius.

We both got our Like Its of peanut butter with Reese's mixed in, sat down, and really, really started talking. The car ride over had served as the appetizer, I suppose, and this was when we began the five course meal. A meal that was apparently more appetizing than our ice cream, because neither of us finished it. I WAS TALKING SO MUCH, I COULDN'T FINISH MY PEANUT BUTTER ICE CREAM. O_O

We babbled about essentially everything that we'd felt we couldn't say to anybody else (because, well, we can't haha!), and I felt like I was 16 again, and we genuinely listened to each other.

It was so therapeutic.

I tend to surround myself with people who like to talk because, in general, I like to listen. We complement each other and it works. But sometimes, I need a turn to talk as well, and I generally have a different set of friends who know how to listen to me.

Because I don't typically talk too, too much, I am not very... eloquent when I speak. My brain moves faster than my mouth and I fumble over my words or I have to think a long time before I can even attempt to form a coherent sentence and it's. just. bad.

I talked to Karen about things I'd never mentioned to anybody else before, and it was absolutely liberating. I told her today (and I meant it) that I felt 10 lbs. lighter after having talked with her. She is a spectacular individual-- a true woman of God whose brilliant light and love for others is a force to be reckoned with-- so watch out, Mobile. She's gonna change your community for the better.

Did I mention she leaves to go to Mobile in 8 days?

Did I also mention that my very best friend leaves to go to New Orleans in 5?

I'm gonna be a MESS next week.

I'm just thankful I have friends who'll still be here and will help keep me together. Especially when life rears its ugly head like it tried to do tonight.

Mom had another one of her hypoglycemic episodes, so she spent a better part of the evening in the Emergency Dept. I was spending time with some of my favorites (Molly, Richard, and Molly's roommate) discussing the inner sanctum of sororities, lol, when one of the nurses called to let me know she was there and would need a ride. I didn't know what had happened yet, but knew I needed to get over there to find out. Without skipping a beat not only did they offer to come with me, but also to drive me-- partially because they are wonderful, and partially because they know me well enough to know that my car is a mess and would not fit all of us in its current condition.

When we got there, they still had to do a CT scan on her, so it'd be a while before she was ready to go. Her personal effects were still on the psych unit (where she works, if you are new to my life and musings, even though she fits right in), so I grabbed her keys, grabbed my friends, and they saw a glimpse of the inner workings of The Harbor. Well, at least how to get there through the interior of the hospital. Then I grabbed her things (less her glasses and two bottles of Diet Coke I neglected to recover for her), we walked back to the E.D., I dropped off her phone so she could contact me, then walked back through The Harbor to get to her car so I could move it to the parking on the other side of the hospital closest to the E.D.

Lots of grabbing and lots of walking.
Also lots of driving on my bestie's part.

After all that was situated, we drove back to Molly's apartment for a bit before Mom called again to say she was ready for me. [Cue "On The Road Again."]

It was still an enjoyable evening because my friends are pure amazing, and Richard had made a pretty awesome playlist for us to listen to on our second outing.



I share all of this not because I think you are really interested in the tiny details of my life, but because my friends deserve credit where credit is due; and because they help me make it through the monotonous, tiny details of my life, I love them all the more.

Katherine called "Kate" called "Francine"

My first official day of work at Barnes & Noble was today.

In the words of another famous redhead, "I think I'm gonna like it here!"

The people there seem to be kinda great. I'm really excited about this job. It's new, and it stays at the store.

There's a paycheck and a pretty sweet discount involved, too. Can't complain!

I also got a call from the Presbyterians. They would like to hire me.

My heart is a house divided...

(to be continued)

I like...

I like...
stealing blog posts from people. (Thank you, Jenna-Benna!)

I like...
cheese. Mini Babybel, Swiss-almond, cream, cheddar, mozzarella, American, provolone... all kinds. It is powerful, and it stands alone.

I like...
coming home early in the afternoon and taking a nap on our sectional.

I like...
buying my own groceries and eating at home.

I like...
feeling small; being keenly aware of my own insignificance. It's probably why I like flying, wide-open spaces, mountains, and tall buildings.

I like...
dreaming, making lists, and organizing.

I like...
having wiggle room-- in my clothes; in my schedule; in most anything that doesn't need to be firm, grounded, or sturdy for safety's sake.

I like...
using ellipses, semi-colons, hyphens, and dashes (correctly). That, to me, is word art.

Parenthetical phrases? I like those, too.

I like...
snuggling.

I like...
having moments of unmatched wittiness and/or sheer brilliance. It doesn't happen often, but I surely do like it when it does.

I like...
reading in bed all day long. Usually sci-fi/fantasy is my favorite all-day-in-bed reading material. I really like reading the rest in the midst of life. For example, in a spare moment or while waiting at a doctor's office or while using public transportation. Excellent reading times.

I like...
that nostalgic and precious feeling you get when talking with children or watching them at play.

I like...
random "peachy" days such as yesterday. I also like how they're usually singular and stuck right in the middle of a long string of "weird" or "off" or "ehh..." days.

I like...
taking pictures. I will never by any means be considered an artist or professional, but I think it's just fun. I also love when someone like me just so happens to capture a genuinely good photograph. It's the epitome of serendipity.

I like...
watching TV with my grandfather.

I like...
blogging...so much so, that I'll probably post again today.



Interview with the Presbyterians at 5:00. Please, LORD, make clear what you'd have me do about this job. If this is a door that can be closed, I ask you to do just that.

<3

Dear You

Dear You

O, boy does THAT hit close to home...

Also this one.
Dear Short Fingernails
It's kind of a personal philosophy of mine.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Today was kind of a spectacular day.

√ Drop off shoe boxes to the church.
√ Pick up substitute teacher application.
√ Fill up gas tank. Pump #7, $22 even.
√ Stop at Ulta, pick up "necessities" and linger over a few non-essentials WHICH I did not purchase.
√ Mom did my hair in two French braids. (We had a spontaneous shopping spree last night, and I asked her then if she would do it for me. I am still not very good at the French braiding...)
√ Replaced my windshield wiper blades. Now if my brakes go out in the rain, I'll be able to see where I'm crashing.
√ Birmingham and Iguana Grill with Richard and Momma B. 'Nough said. Wait, I lied. We went to B'ham to pick up his MacBook that he's been saving for all summer. Now it's enough said.
√ Church. I absolutely love Wednesday nights. Don't take this the wrong way, but my church family is better than yours. :P
√ Oreo McFlurry while listening to Nickel Creek (again) and driving through the midnight construction on 69 S.

Now, I'm spending time with my doggies before I get ready for bed.

To quote a couple favorite people of mine,
"Check-check!" and "Well played, Wednesday. Well played."

For Reelz

Renée Radick: Snow White. Cinderella. All about gettin' a guy. Being saved by the guy. Today it's the Little Mermaid, Aladdin, Pocahontas. All about gettin' a guy.
Ally McBeal: So basically we're screwed up because of...
Renée Radick: Disney.

•Thank you, Reelz Channel, for airing episodes of Ally McBeal at exactly the right time.

•Little boys make my heart and my face smile. Today I went into camp for a couple of hours to help with the cleanup process, and some of my precious green group boys saw I was doing some heavy lifting, and they eagerly asked if they could help. Granted, the main two reasons they wanted help were because 1) they were in trouble and 2) they wanted an opportunity to be boys and show off how strong they are. I was willing to overlook that, though, because I'd done all I could by myself. They were so confident and started talking like little men after I told them what needed to be done. I definitely had a good, inward chuckle.

Men are so much more likable when they are little.

•I've remembered how much I love Nickel Creek.

•I got to talk to my Ava Kelley on my way home from camp. It was so good to hear her voice, and to learn that she is doing well. I miss her.

•I miss Lindsey, too.

I guess, now I need to get back to work. I'll start doing laundry during the last 40 minutes of this episode of Ally, and then continue with the rearrange, reorganize, and remove aspect of my life. First stop: wardrobe.

Next stop: Narnia?

Wouldn't it be loverly?

Frederick- "peaceful ruler"

Audrey- "noble strength"

Thank you, Molly, for tonight.

My Fair Lady + junk food = divinity.

Holy movie trivia, Batman! Freddy's singing voice in the film is the same guy who played Prince Phillip in Sleeping Beauty! It's all so clear to me now...


I really needed today. I really need this week.
I got Karen to sub for me the entire week so that I could, in essence, come and go as I please. A part of me feels badly because it's almost like I'm "abandoning" my kids at camp, but I desperately need to breathe.

*inhale*
I need to take a step back and look at where life has brought me.
*exhale*

*inhale*
I need to visualize where I might go next.
*exhale*

And then I need to take steps to make it happen.

I've had several really great conversations within the past couple of days about what to do next. I'm beginning to feel a bit better in general after beginning to step away from camp. After making it through Joseph and VBS and now the musical, I can separate myself from the, well, sometimes poisonous nature that has seemed to pervade the interrelationships of the counselors.

After this weekend when we prayed before the musical, I thought people had really realized the hurtfulness of how we've behaved this summer-- talking behind people's backs, being indignant and self-righteous, and not communicating well, if at all.
But I returned to camp this morning to find we'd returned from the mountaintop and resumed said behavior. I found that the suspected source was from the top of the day camp hierarchy; from those whose tears flowed freely as we spoke to God and each other of how precious each person involved in this ministry is, whether young or old; from those who, I thought, had shown remorse. From those whose hearts I'd thought were sincere.

O, wouldn't it be loverly...

And again it occurred to me how much the show and the manic, emotional displays of spirituality irritate, and sometimes even infuriate me in a manner unspeakable.

"All they're looking for is something real
Not manufactured for the largest appeal
Someone to find them with an answer that heals..."

Matthew 6
¹"Beware of^A)">(A) practicing your righteousness before other people in order^B)">(B) to be seen by them, for then you will have no reward from your Father who is in heaven..."

Matthew 23
^"1Then Jesus^A)">(A) said to the crowds and to his disciples, ²^B)">(B) "The scribes and the Pharisees^C)">(C) sit on Moses’ seat, ³so practice and observe whatever they tell you—^D)">(D) but not what they do.^E)">(E) For they preach, but do not practice. ⁴^F)">(F) They tie up heavy burdens, hard to bear,^a]">[a] and lay them on people’s shoulders, but they themselves are not willing to move them with their finger. ⁵^G)">(G) They do all their deeds^H)">(H) to be seen by others. For they make^I)">(I) their phylacteries broad and^J)">(J) their fringes long, ⁶and they^K)">(K) love the place of honor at feasts and^L)">(L) the best seats in the synagogues ⁷and^M)">(M) greetings in^N)">(N) the marketplaces and being called^O)">(O) rabbi^b]">[b] by others. ⁸^P)">(P) But you are not to be called rabbi, for you have one teacher, and you are^Q)">(Q) all brothers.^c]">[c] ⁹^R)">(R) And call no man your father on earth, for^S)">(S) you have one Father, who is in heaven. ¹⁰Neither be called instructors, for you have one instructor,^T)">(T) the Christ. ¹¹^U)">(U) The greatest among you shall be your servant. ¹²^V)">(V) Whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted."

Give me a real heathen over a fake Christian any day.

If you want others to know why and how much they need Jesus, you have to remember it yourself.

Perhaps I've become lax in my religion, but everyday I practice my faith.

I could not make it day to day without the LORD carrying me. He is The Source and my reason for breathing. He is Perfect, and I am not. I've never claimed to be, and I never shall, but I've never understood how lowly I am and how desperately I need Him as well as I do now. I am not worthy on my own, but because I am His creation, I have worth. Simply because He is, and in Him, I am...

"If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. "

If I may generalize a moment, people don't want to be told they're lost. People don't want to be told they are dirty, unclean, and on the road to hell.

They want to be understood. People want to be healed. They want to know why it is they hurt, how to make it stop, and they want to be loved. WE want to be loved.

That's why Jesus utterly humbled Himself to live among us. To show us by example, to teach us through stories and experiences purely out of His matchless love for us. But His Love did not just extend to those weak, wounded and broken sinners who'd never met Him before.
It extended to those He kept closest to Him.

And we as a church fail to follow that example.

We profess to lead lives of love to those who we perceive to need His love most, but then we act hatefully to those who are supposed to be our brothers and sisters in Christ.

It's a wonder people steer clear of the church doors, no matter how wide they are flung open.

We walk on eggshells so as to avoid stepping on toes and bypassing edification, correction, or, if necessary, conflict when others behave shamefully, when Jesus wouldn't have stood for it.

I say all this because I am just as guilty of it, but also because this is the kind of behavior I'm tired of being surrounded by and/or being a part of (preposition preposition... O_O).

I am happy to get away from that behind-the-scenes aspect of camp.

I need the time to detox, and for once, I am taking it.

Thank You, Father God, for granting me this time, and for giving me the ability to accept it.

I also thank You for the many beautiful aspects of day camp's ministry. Some of my altogether favorite people with the loveliest hearts are a part of it, and they have made my time spent there worthwhile.



But once you've seen better and experienced, say, Ascot Opening Day and danced with royalty, how can you go back to being a flower girl?

If you've any respect for yourself, and the Energy and Effort poured into the creation of that self by those who Love you, you can't.

What's in a name...

[The "L" key on my keyboard has been wonky for a while now, but the "V" key has just begun to give me fits. If "O" and "E" leave me next, I know I'm doomed. lol]


Within the sermon this morning, our pastor mentioned name meanings, and I started thinking about my favorite names. Some of them are my favorite because of what they mean, but some I just think are pretty, and I didn't know what they meant, so here I went, here I am, and here I go.


Aidan-"fire"
Rhys- "enthusiasm"

Nicholas- "victory of the people"
Ryan- "little king"

Evan- "YAHWEH is gracious"
Eric- "ever ruler"


Charlotte- "warrior"
Faye- "fairy"
Harriet- "home ruler" (SO true...)
Eowyn- "horse joy"
Meredith- "great lord" or "sea lord"
Bronwen/Bronwyn/Gwen/Gwendolen/Gwendolyn/Mairwen- "white, fair, blessed"
Maren- "of the sea"
Miriam- "wished for child;" "beloved"
Ingrid- "Ing is beautiful" (Ing from Norse mythology)
Susanna- "lily"
Isabelle- "consecrated to God;" "my God is abundance"
Margaret- "pearl"
Briseis- Greek mythology
Iris- "rainbow"
Evelyn/Evelina- "desired"

Evangeline/Evangelina- "good news"
Rose- (I thought this was interesting.)

ROSE

Gender: Feminine

Usage: English, French

Pronounced: ROZ [key]

Originally a Norman form of a Germanic name, which was composed of the elements hrod "fame" and heid "kind, sort, type". It was introduced to England by the Normans in the forms Roese or Rohese. From an early date it was associated with the word for the fragrant flower rose (derived from Latin rosa). When the name was revived in the 19th century, it was probably with the flower in mind.
~http://www.behindthename.com



Tonight was the last performance of the day camp musical. Now we just have to clean up. It's the last week of day camp for this summer (and it's time- for kids of all ages to go back to school; or in my case, to not). After spending way too much time at the church over the past week, God moved and did some amazing things this weekend. The Holy Spirit definitely quickened my heart, opened and softened the hearts of us counselors collectively, and I'm sure planted many seeds in the hearts of all of those involved. <3

I am looking forward to having my jobs nailed down within the next couple of weeks. I interview with First Presbyterian this Thursday to see about me being the college intern there for this school year. I'm praying for God to make His will for this job clear to me and those at the church. I am trying to not overbook myself, as I tend to do, and I really, REALLY want to be able to audition for shows (well, just one show in particular, but still...), and to have time to work on grad school applications. I am going to have to say "No" to a couple of job suggestions, I believe, but it'll be good for me. I need to exercise those "No" muscles a little more...

I also REALLY want to organize our house, rearrange my room, clean up, clean out, and plan a trip to Michigan.

Till then, I have to make it through this week, be in a wedding this weekend (which is actually going to be a lot of fun. I'm kind of excited right now), begin training at one new job, and help my best friend move away to begin the rest of his life.

Never a dull moment.